Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
