I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
