Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
