so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize