But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I won't apologize to a one balled man
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
