So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
