I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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