Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
