Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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