Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
