She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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