i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
