Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
