I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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