I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
