so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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