she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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