Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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