If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
