i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
