Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
