Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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