I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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