i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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