there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
