Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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