Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
