can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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