I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
