Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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