I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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