Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You can't just leave with hair like that
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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