you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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