hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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