Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
