you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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