Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
