He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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