She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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