My room smells like vodka and shame
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
