remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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