I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
