Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
