Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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