You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
