I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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