Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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