We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize