I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
