I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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