So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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