Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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