I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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