i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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