My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
