Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
