going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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