Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
