why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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