if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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