i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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