Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
