New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
my liver is dry heaving
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
