I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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