WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
